So, today…

Woke up like 10ish, laid in bed like all blehness didn’t want to get up. Then Leah’s mom called and said she was comming to get Leah at 11:30, so we had to get up. Then I sat in my room and drew and listened to music. Then took a shower, drew some more, got ready to go to my meeting with my riding instructor.

 

It was an interesting meeting:

We talked about my what happened when I fell, and worked out arrangements to work at the farm to earn “barn dollars” to put towards riding lessons, his wife’s online tack shop, or in the future, board for a horse. He said when he thinks I am ready for the responsibility and have the skill, he would take me and my mom  or dad or both whoever to the race track or to an auction and go 50/50 for a horse that is cheap,train it, then sell it for a profit and use that to get a better horse. Which I think is totally cool. We talked about how I need to build lots of muscle and strength so that I can ride to my full potential and beyond. We talked about what I wanted to do in the future and stuff like that, and I got really frustraited. My mom was saying like “I don’t think you know what it will take to get to the level you want to get to and need to get to for you to be at Wilson Collage in the equstrian program when you have 50 Judys and you are like woah and get your heart broken.”

Well, I am going to prove everyone wrong. I am going to show everyone who doesn’t belive in me that I can and will get to where I want to be. I understand it will be lots of hard work.Training,riding, working at the barn,working at my job if I get one, doing chores,helping my nan,church, and praise band and choir. It is going to be hard, and there will be late nights with lots of coffee trying to cram in school work and make time for family and friends, but I will prove you all wrong. I will suceede at this.

 

And then there is my dad. He will give me $25 a week, which goes straight to riding lessons, he shows no interest in that. He is too caught up with Tammy, and it bugs me. I was his daughter before she was his girlfriend. He doesn’t understand that there are things that I need, and when I tell him I need them, he says, “it will come out of your allowence.” He doesn’t get that in theory, I don’t have an allowence from him, I never get to spend it. I get between $5 and $10 from my nan for helping her around the house, and that isn’t enough for me to get what I need to get, like makeup and horse stuff. Hence, why I need to get a job, but I have no clue when I will have time to work. Monday,Tuesday,Thursday, and Friday afternoons. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I will work in the morning at the farm, then go do school work. Those days will be very tight when I get a job. But, I need the money. I need it to start saving for when I get a car, for insurrence and gas, because God knows that my dad won’t pay for that.

Gah, but I will show him. I will show him that I don’t need him to be there. I will show him that I can be successfull without him, that I can grow up and move on without him. I just would like him to show an interest, not necesarally always be there, but to ask “how was your lesson?” or “how was work?” not just “do your schoolwork” or “look at this place it is a/an*insert swear word here* stie” which he will say after I bust my patooty trying to clean up after him and my brother when he is here. It just makes my selfconfidence go from =D to =’C.

 

Bleh, but you know what? I can do this without him. I have my mom and James to help me, and my grandparents and my friends. I can do this without him. Let him be with Tammy all the time and live his life on the school zone going 15 while I am in the left lane going 80 towards achieving my goals and making my dreams realities. All I need is for him to pay my phone bill and give me my $25 for picking up after him.  I can so do this, I will do this. I will prove everyone wrong.

 

I WILL SUCCEED.

 

I am going to go get something to drink then go to bed.

 

Loves and God bless,

 

K-tizzleX3